“It would be really nice of me to volunteer for something. Who knows…maybe I will someday. I'm such a good person for thinking of possibly doing that.”
• Allie Brosh•
Allie Brosh. Oh, the talent, the wit, the insight. She blogs about her life, wrote a book called, “Hyperbole and a Half: Unfortunate Situations, Flawed Coping Mechanisms, Mayhem, and Other Things That Happened.”
If you do nothing else this coming year, tune in to Allie. Whatever road you are on, you'll recognize a fellow traveler.
So, today, for me, it's New Year's Resolutions. Traditionally, for me, the time of year when I am filled with dread as I know with certainty I am only adding to the ancient junkyard of years' resolutions past.
I don't believe I've ever followed through on any New Year's resolutions even though at any other time of year I am capable of setting a goal and working at it dutifully. Well, most of the time.
Just not at the beginning of each new year. But, hope springs eternal. And, Allie Brosh, whose book and calendar was sent to me as a gift, has clarified miraculously the problem I am having this week grappling with how to prepare for another year of weight maintenance. My 6th year.
Here are her thoughts on motivation:
“Most people can motivate themselves to do things simply by knowing that those things need to be done. But not me. For me, motivation is this horrible, scary game where I try to make myself do something while I actively avoid doing it. If I win, I have to do something I don't want to do. And if I lose, I'm one step closer to ruining my entire life. And I never know whether I'm going to win or lose until the last second.”
― Allie Brosh,
Now, I think this is just genius clarity on why maintaining weight loss is so rare and obesity researchers despair that “long term” studies are basically defining “long term” as “one” year and they struggle to populate that length with successful folks.
I think it is why, for those of us who are successful in keeping lost weight from returning- why we encounter psychological periods where we simply make no flippin' sense to ourselves. None whatsoever. We know what to do. We've done it. We say we want to continue to do it. But, we don't.
I've managed to do it for almost 6 years and this past year has been the hardest. It is as Allie Brosh suggests, “trying to make myself do something that I actively avoid doing”. I have caught myself on so many occasions saying, “I am going to do A.” And, within minutes, setting about to undermine accomplishing A.
I mean, consciously, now. I'm not talking sleep walking to the refrigerator because Ambien made me do it. I mean consciously I say one thing and do another.
I used to have a phrase, prior to losing weight 7 years ago, that summed it up, “I buy apples and eat cookies.”
I had the leafy greens and fruits in the house but somehow I wouldn't eat them. Just having them in the kitchen seemed enough for me at that juncture.
Now, some may not relate to this at all. God speed. Is all I can say.
I want next year, 2016, to have less of this craziness, this white knuckle weekly tension where the stakes seem very very high and each week I wager the family farm.
That'll be next week's podcast. This week? The links to all posts are here and I'm going to focus on my favorite discovery of the week that demonstrates just how crazy we all can get about trying to lose weight. When you are making your New Year's resolutions please keep this post in mind: “May the Force of Frozen Fat Be With You.”
Here's all of last week's posts.