Perfect Life

The Perfect Life Consists of Four Scales.

I have four scales in my house. My truth needs options.

Louis C.K, the comedian, the “I don't stop eating when I am full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. I don't stop eating until I hate myself” Louis C.K,, is obviously not a diet guru but in my mind, infinitely more valuable because of how clearly he sees the world and himself.  In one of his stand-up segments on his “Louie” TV series he observed that he really only had enough courage to live the perfect life.  He admired others who could manage life's difficulties and problems but, he, himself, really was only suited for “the perfect life.”

I sighed in front of the TV and said, “Amen.” My truth had just been spoken.  Embarrassing, yes.  But, the truth. That's the sort of life I'm ready for, too: the-no-problems-at-all life.

But, that's not the life we get, is it?  So, each day for the next year I'm going to post a little something here about one of my problems, and maybe one of yours: a quote, a tip, a social rant or rave, arty observations,  finger-pointing is possible, humor certainly, creativity hopefully, an image always, all to try and keep 60+ lost pounds from finding me again and figuring out why I've been able to do it for five years now but was unable so many other times in my life.  Maybe it will help someone else? I hope so.

Spoiler alert. These lost pounds are out there even now as I write this inaugural post, circling the parking lot looking for a space, and will be for the rest of my life.  If that doesn't discourage you, hit the subscribe button.

I've kept the avoirdupois circling the lot for five years and no one is more surprised than I am.  I've thrown every bit of creativity I have at this issue from photographing fruits and vegetables to try and force me to eat them (it worked) to now researching and writing on a regular basis about what experts and our popular culture say about this issue and examples of books, art and media that help me think about it.

I could be the keynote speaker at an Obesity Research Conference (the iconic dream of all mothers for their daughters, yes?) because these poor obesity researchers rarely see someone who manages to lose weight and keep it off.  Their studies define “long term” only as ‘one' year.  And, even then, the statistics are abysmal.  National weight loss programs don't even publish long term statistics for the same reason.

I was a Truthiness Tsarina before Stephen Colbert even came up with the official term. Some days, maybe even years, I wasn't even in the truth ballpark never mind sitting in a specific row and seat.

So, in 2009, every week I committed to weighing my Tsarina-Truthy self on Tuesdays in front of another human being.  If you decide to try this?  You absolutely cannot substitute your pet under any circumstances.

I needed some humility and honesty and a witness to insure it.  So, that's it. I developed an antidote to lying to myself.

That's all I said I would do in the beginning.  Nothing about eating stuff, not eating stuff, exercising or going to a gym. All of that really was negotiable in the past five years and only gradually came into focus.

Today, six years later, it is Tuesday. I weighed myself with another set of eyes reading the scale. Two pounds below my goal weight.

If I ever am invited to speak at an Obesity Conference I'm going to wear my size 8 black and white horizontal striped pencil skirt because former fat girls are fashionable as well as humble.

Welcome to Art of the Diet.

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